HERR A.I am a father. I want to know how my children are, be involved in important decisions and stay connected with them. What sounds obvious has been tied to conflict and uncertainty for me for years.
There are conflicts between my children's mother and me over contact, information and how we speak to each other. I do not claim to have always reacted well. Some things I would say differently today. Still, I want my perspective to be heard.
Understand first, then decide
When therapeutic treatment for one of my children was discussed, I wanted to know the assessment, understand the proposed approach and speak to those providing treatment. I did not want to reject help outright. I wanted to understand before supporting a decision.
A letter from the youth welfare office about a joint meeting based its account of the lack of agreement on the mother's description. I felt my perspective had not yet been sufficiently considered. I replied in writing and contacted an independent ombuds service. They recommended attending the meeting and using it to clarify open questions and binding agreements.
Later I was able to communicate directly with a treating professional and arrange a parents' meeting. These are exactly the conversations I want: first-hand information and room for factual questions.
What matters to me
It is not just one letter that weighs on me. It is the recurring uncertainty: What information reaches me? What has been recorded about my position? How is it ensured that both parents are heard without putting the children in the middle?
My children have their own wishes and boundaries. I want to take them seriously. At the same time, I want to understand their needs as directly as possible, with professional support, rather than hearing about them only through the adults' conflict.
That is why I requested access to the records. I want to know what was documented and continue the conversation on a verifiable basis. Whether that confirms my impressions remains to be seen.
Listen. Check. Include both parents. And keep the children out of the argument.
I am writing about my experience, not my children's private life stories. I do not want to condemn anyone online. I want personal conflicts and the children's needs to be carefully distinguished.
I want my children to know later: I asked questions, tried to remain available and worked to take responsibility as a father.